While We Wait
by GloriousBlackout
Summary: Dis continues to wait for her sons to return home, for she can do little else.


Dis waits because she must.

She supposes she deserves the anxiety and dread that lurks behind her every step, although she somehow manages to crush these petty emotions down every time she chooses to face the world. Outside she'll express pride on behalf of her brother and sons, for it is a noble quest that they have embarked on. One that will bring their people much reward if it is ever completed.

Therefore, if children come up to greet her expecting yet more stories about their king and his loyal heirs, she will tell them of the hope that their current journey will provide and that they will soon be able to walk the halls of a home they have only ever heard about in old tales. Their bright, eager faces are enough to lighten her heart for a short while and it is a genuine smile that she shares with them. There is even the odd moment where she starts to believe that their home really will be reclaimed.

Such childish notions are proven to be futile once darkness settles every night and only the company of crushing silence welcomes her home. Dis knows, deep down, that she shouldn't fret. After all, she knows full well that Thorin will do everything in his power to keep her boys safe. However the silence that has taken the place of laughter is too foreboding for comfort and she often finds herself lying restless on her bed with an icy dread seeping into her heart.

* * *

_She still vividly remembers the moment her brother approached her one quiet evening and expressed his wishes to take both Fili and Kili with him on what – at the time - seemed to be a suicidal quest. She'd adamantly refused, the stubborn nature that was infamous amongst their kin rising to the forefront and causing even the mighty Thorin to shrink back a little. Her sons were merely children after all – both possessing only a skewed idea of what dangers lurked in the real world. Their progress in training did not reassure her any; Kili's skills in archery and Fili's growing reputation as an excellent swordsman meant nothing at that moment. For all she cared, her sons had spent their short lives attacking unmoving targets with little knowledge of the dangers they'd be forced to face daily should they follow their uncle to Erebor._

_Of course, Thorin had reminded her that her sons were not as ignorant of the real world as she'd like to believe; they had encountered and dealt with danger before and, should they go with him, he would always keep them safe. Fili and Kili had also insisted; their excitement at the prospect of such an exciting adventure causing them to plead desperately with their mother in the hopes that she'd let them go and assist their uncle, even when it would seem that their attempts were useless._

_So she'd caved in, relenting only on the condition that both of her sons were returned to her alive and in one piece. The punishment that would face Thorin should he fail in this endeavour would be a fate worse than death, she'd made certain to remind him of that often enough. And while she often regretted her final decision, and continued to do so, she had still felt her heart swell with pride as they'd finally set off. She'd kissed them both on the forehead - somehow managing to work around the fact that both had now completely outgrown her - and had finally given them the matching hair clips that she'd set aside years ago for a day such as this. She reminded them that she loved them both dearly, not that she'd ever allow them to forget, and they'd simultaneously responded with a warm, tight embrace. _

_She'd wanted to cry then. Every instinct screamed at her to take them back inside, away from any possible dangers, where she could prepare their meals and chase them off to their beds at a late hour and force them to endure her infamous lectures every time they thought pranking her was even remotely a clever idea._

_Instead she'd let them go. She'd watched as they vanished into pinpricks on the horizon without granting themselves one look back and only then had she shed a tear. Regardless of Thorin's assurances and Fili's promise to keep a close eye on his little brother, the only thing that crossed her mind as she watched her sons leave was the knowledge that she may never see them again in this life. _

_A piece of her heart had splintered then. She often found herself wondering if it would ever truly heal._

* * *

A year passes, perhaps a little longer, and still she receives very little in the way of news regarding her brother's quest. There is rarely even a slight assurance that the three remaining members of her kin are still alive. There have been rumours, of course, although it did not take long for her to turn a deaf ear to them all. She has heard too many mentions of orcs and goblins and dragons these past few months and she knows that she cannot allow herself to be carried away by mere stories.

These rumours fade over time, as rumours should, however it does not take long for a tale to emerge that simply refuses to relent. The tale of a great battle that finally broke the line of Durin completely. The tale that her beloved brother and sons fell in what eventually becomes known as The Battle of Five Armies.

Once again, she refuses to listen. The rational side of her mind notices how convincing these rumours can be when compared with what has come before but she ignores such thoughts. She absolutely does _not_ notice the whispers that follow her in the town and the pitying glances that are occasionally thrown her way. Instead she keeps a lookout for three shapes on the horizon whenever she can. If she allows it, she can imagine her family coming home and into her open arms – her sons older and wiser for all they have experienced and her brother finally the rightful King Under the Mountain. That day will come eventually, so long as she believes it will. All she has to do is wait patiently.

Sometimes Dis thinks she waits because she has no other option.

* * *

**A/N It would seem that I am incapable of writing anything even remotely optimistic...**

**Thanks for reading! Any feedback is welcome :) **


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